The Dad Joke Prison

You wake up and think to yourself,// I can tell this will be a good day.// You get out of bed and make yourself some breakfast. As you eat some expertly made pop tarts, you hear a knock at the door.// Hmm, must be the UPS guy with my package.// As you go to the door and look through the peephole you see Cash, this game's main dev. Do you open the door? [[Yes; I think I can trust him.->Kidnapping1]] -<=>- [[No, his vibes are pretty rancid.->Morning2]]

You go back to your breakfast thinking,//He was probably up to something anyways, he's weird like that.//(wow, ok, first of all, //rude.// second of all, ok, maybe I //am// weird like that, but you could've been a bit more subtle with the delivery, jerk.) Mmm, these pop tarts //are// good. You hear a knock at the door again. //ugh, this guy is so annoying.// (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXX=======")[It is cash, after all. Open the door?] [[No, the vibes are still rancid.->Morningdeath]] -<=>- [[Ugh, if it'll shut him up, then fine.->Kidnapping1]]

As you open the door, Cash shoves a cloth bag over your face and you feel a needle prick your neck. you try to fight him off, but you feel too drowsy. "that hypodermic needle had a few millileters of Eszopiclone in it," he explains."You'll be out in... 8 seconds, give or take?" You try to fight it, but you realize he's right. as the sedative rushes into your brain, you begin to black out and you fall to the ground. (align:"<==")+(box:"=XX=")[[[Continue->Dad joke intro]]]

You try to go back to your Pop Tarts, but cash kicks open the door and revs a a chainsaw you somehow didn't see(bruh u gotta get your eyes checked)! ''"WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?"'' He starts sprinting at you, murder in his eyes. You try to run away, but it is futile. He thrusts the spinning blade forward and you hear a sickening //crunch// as it rams into your chest. The last thing you ever hear is,"Hmm, I don't think this is my guy. Well, that sucks. They'll just glue you back together in Hell." <img src="https://media.istockphoto.com/vectors/chainsaw-vector-id501209165?k=20&m=501209165&s=612x612&w=0&h=k0q7qT2ffJnUXG7091ONUJZpmZljD2yeYRl4NFI69bI=" Height=400 width=800> <audio src="https://twinecrestacademy.neocities.org/SFX/Chainsaw.mp3" autoplay>

You come to in a dark room, propped up onto a chair. You try to gather your energy enough to pry open your eyelids, but you can only get your right eye to crack open a bit. "Aah, you're awake!" "...Wh- why am I here? ...What are you gonna do to me? Tell me dad jokes or something?!" "Wow... that was pretty on the nose... did you have like... prior knowledge or something?" "You know that not only is that the lowest form of comedy known to man, it's also one of the worst tortures on the face of this earth!" "I know, and I'm not exactly known for my strong moral compass. I. WANT. MY. MONEY." "Money?! I- I think you got the wrong guy!" "Really? Well, now that you're here, [[I might as well tell you dad jokes."->Dad joke1]]

"What is green and has wheels?"He asked. "W- What?!" you ask, tears streaming down your face."Grass; I lied about the wheels." "YOU SICK MANIAC!" you scream. He then strikes you a deal. "[[Ok, I can keep going and you'll get a million dollar cash reward because hey, I'm a generous dude,->Dad joke 2]] or, [[I can let you go right now, so long as you never tell anyone about this."->¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ending]]

"Well, if $1,000,000 are at stake, I wanna keep going." you say reluctantly. "OK!" he replies, visually excited. "What's my favorite thing about switzerland? I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus." You begin weeping as he laughs at your anguish."You wanna [[keep going->Dad joke 3]]? just say the word and I'll [[let you out->¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ending]]."

"I-I wanna leave," you respond, uncontrollably sobbing."Roger that," he says, visibly dissapointed. You black out again and wake up in your bed.

"I think I've still got some fight in me." you comply, thinking you can take a few more. "ah, I didn't kidnap you all this way for nothing, eh?" he inquires. "Well, seeing as i'm a bit strapped for time, I think this will be the last one. Whaddaya call a 4 foot tall psychic who broke out of prison?" "What?" "A small medium at large." "UGH, when I get outta this, I'm gonna be so happy," you groan, largely desensitized at this point. If anything, dad jokes are more annoying than emotionally and mentally devastating by now. "Well, I guess I gotta let you go now. Good bye!" (align:"<==")+(box:"=======XXXXXXXXXX===")[''THE END'']